By Natalie Thysse
Edited by Imaan Moosa & Humairaa Mayet
If only there were some equation to explain why we should all be feminists … something like: #MenAreTrash divided by #NotAllMenAreTrash, times feminism, equals the reason we should all be feminists.
Trigger Warning: Mention of rape and abuse
Honouring the women of 1956 who acted against an unjust system. Image: IOL News
Before the #MenAreTrash movement came feminism. There must be a problem before the battle can begin. Let me draw you a timeline, adapted from Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s ‘We should all be feminists’:
Of course, there were many exceptions, but the top of the iceberg gives us an idea as to how we got to the point where men are equated to trash.
The #MenAreTrash movement wreaked havoc when it started. It aimed to amplify the voices of women who were sick and tired of seeing and hearing ‘he killed another one of us’ on the news. This movement opened many challenging discussions, but it also became a platform, and a safe space, for women to speak up.
Following the brutal murder of Karabo Mokoena, the rape and murder of three-year-old Courtney Pieters, and many other instances where women and children were victims of abuse and death, South African women began sharing their stories. The movement eventually became a response to a tweet or any post that was inappropriate toward women.
Response to #MenAreTrash Image: OkayAfrica
Just like feminism, the #MenAreTrash movement is not saying that women want or should be equal to men, because women will simply never be. Our anatomical and physiological markers do not allow it. The aim is to fight a system that designates men to positions of social, economic, and political power.
An attack on these injustices toward women is an attack on a man’s masculinity.
Adichie provides an example of an incident that occurred in primary school. Whoever got the highest score in the class test would be the class monitor. What the teacher forgot to mention was that this person obviously had to be a boy.
Fiddling with Adichie’s words: Why do we allow ourselves to raise boys and girls differently? Why do we teach boys and girls different values?
We codify subservience as the norm for women, teaching girls to be submissive, and to honour and obey their husbands, even if it means sacrificing their careers to be the wife. We teach them to not become a threat, from earning a higher salary to being holistically independent. As a result, men naturally assume positions of superiority and authority.
Men rule the world = Normalised
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie said the following:
If men are in positions of economical, political and social power over and over again, it will become normal.
The proportion of women still remains high and there is no real progress made toward improving prospects for women.
What are we, as a society, doing to fight these stereotypes? Are we just going to deny and say ‘things are much better for women now than back then’? Are we just supporting organisations but not doing anything about the problem ourselves?
Aren’t we all, then, trash? Since data is provided indicating that men - other than physical strength - still have the upper hand when it comes to employment.
Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act
In the US, the Lilly Ledbetter Fair Pay Act addressed wage discrimination on the basis of age, religion, national origin, race, sex and disability. The takeaway from this is unequal pay in the workplace based on sex.
Women have been historically marginalised that implementing laws is necessary to enforce equality among the sexes.
Apart from the implementation of laws, women in South Africa are still facing inequality in the workplace, regardless of their academic qualifications.
Gender inequality in the workplace remains a hidden figure. We know it’s there and is controlled by a system created by a culture of sameness.
Does the cultural need for sameness include ‘men’?
When we talk about “men” we are referring to their gender – norms, roles, and relationships. If we were to say men are trash, does it mean that all who identify themselves as men are trash should conform to norms and roles expected of them?
Does it mean all undergoing surgery to transition from female to male are trash because their physiological characteristics have changed and society expects anyone who is male to act masculine? Long story short, they are also part of this culture of sameness.
If the #MenAreTrash movement focuses on ‘men’ and all who identify as such, then the hashtag opens discussions on whether ‘men’ should be included. Should the movement then rather be called #MalesAreTrash? or #EveryoneWhoIdentifiesAsAManIsTrash? How about #HumanBeingsAreTrash?
Now you’re asking but how can women be trash? Since it goes against the argument that women are also human beings.
As a woman what am I when I witness abuse and turn a blind eye? What am I when I am in a senior position and continue to follow a pattern of appointing and promoting men?
Are we then fighting an individual battle - trying to prove to male counterparts that I CAN - rather than WE CAN? Should the movement then rather be called #HumanBeingsOtherThanWomenAreTrash? Because even though I have a senior position, I am still fighting an individual battle as a means to succeed.
Robin Sharma puts it best:
That's the one thing I love about my job as a teacher. Shaping young minds and refusing to allow contamination to enter.
Once I had a discussion with my matrics about ticking the race box and one of them asked:
“Why do I have to be a white or black or brown South African? Why can’t I just be a human being?”
To answer him, Adichie says:
…there are particular things that happen to me in this world because I am a woman.
In this case, there are particular things that happen to us in this world because we are black or brown or white. Not because I am a human being, but because I am a woman.
Therefore, losing the pronoun in the hashtag would not convey the same message.
Before the movement came feminism
Let’s start with how women are more subjected to domestic abuse and sexual assault. Women fulfilling economic - (employed) and traditional roles (being a wife and mother).
If we are fighting a system that disregards women, then we should all be feminists.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie eloquently conveys her experience when she was first called a feminist. It wasn’t a term she was quite familiar with at that stage. It was considered un-African because it was meant to rule over men.
Being called a feminist and knowing what it meant – coming from an academic and a journalist, from enlightened people – Adichie became a Happy African Feminist Who Does Not Hate Men And Who Likes To Wear Lip Gloss And High Heels For Herself And Not For Men. It is a mouthful to define the term.
A feminist can be all of those things or not. It’s supposed to give women a voice, not a set of instructions on what to do or say and what not to do or say.
Supporters of the #MenAreTrash movement are not a bunch of bitter women who promote misandry. They are fighting a system – the patriarchy. The movement doesn’t exclude men; they are pleading with men to join forces with them in this fight.
Rather than pretending not to hear the comment about a female leader or female predecessor, respond with ways how they - who obviously know best - could’ve supported or assisted her where needed.
Rather than pretending not to hear the comment about how ‘he put his foot down’ or how he ‘wanted peace in the relationship, therefore, he couldn’t join the boys for a drink’, respond with how she works just as hard to sustain a healthy and balanced relationship.
Rather than pretending you didn’t know that you earn way more than your female colleague doing the same job as you, with the same qualifications, respond by inquiring about this matter. If you put yourself in her shoes, would you be satisfied with earning less than your male colleague - doing the same job as you, with the same qualifications?
Should this become normalised within society, the few men will obviously get recognition as if this is some sort of feud. Whoever wins will get a #(NotAll)MenAreTrash trophy. But this is not a competition and no one should be ‘rewarded’ or regarded as ‘not part of the majority who is against women’ if they act for women. It must be something that is normal, if anything it should become part of our culture - to protect and be the voices of and for women.
If you were to write a poetry test and #(NotAll)MenAreTrash is the title of the poem, guess what one of the questions would be?
Question 1.1. What is the significance of the brackets?
Answer: It emphasises that not all men are trash. It gives us additional information.
In this case, it loses the true value behind the movement. If we say not all men, then why do we define masculinity as ‘boys don’t cry’?
Shouldn’t society then be held accountable for men feeling they need to insulate their manhood as that’s part of their masculinity?
Response to #MenAreTrash Image: OkayAfrica
Culture does not make people. People make culture.
If it becomes our culture to fight the injustices against women, then we will create a culture of equal privileges. If it becomes our culture to educate boys and girls and promote equality, then we will create a culture of a more liberal society.
Honouring women in literature
When I think about women in literature, three names come to mind:
Zadie Smith, the late Toni Morrison, and Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. These female authors create(ed) platforms for society to challenge injustices toward men and women. They create(ed) platforms for society to have open discussions on sex, gender, race, religion, culture and so much more. There, they create(ed) platforms for society to write articles – like this one – showing us how intertwined their work is with personal-real-life experience.
Honouring women in literature Images: NY Times Style Magazine, Vanity Fair, The New Yorker
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